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Crème de’ le’ Crap: Melvin Blevins

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you’ll see nobody cares
Cuz you don’t wanna be around
When it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

Fort Minor, Slip Out The Back

“Here ye, Here ye! Come one come all! Gather ‘round and behold a site so gruesome… so hideous… so mind boggling that it will truly leave you speechless! Not recommended for the feint of heart my little chickadees. Gather ‘round as we unveil this… the recipient of… the next… Crème de’ le’ Crap award!” </carnie talk>

Everyday it seems that we are bombarded by people who are, at best, simply stupid. But every once in a while we look out over that sea of people doddering through their day oblivious to their surroundings and blindly going through the motions, there stands one individual who longs to set himself apart from the crowd, unfortunately it is rarely though the means of doing anything productive. More often than not it usually consists of someone doing something so stupid that you just have to stand back and say to yourself: “What the fuck?”, “Were both of your parents mentally challenged?”, and “How did they manage to give birth to a child that was the total embodiment of their mental afflictions?”

As a person who comes from a background that can only be classified as a “misspent youth”, I know there are just certain things that are just typically not done, a certain “honor among thieves” that even the most deplorable criminal networks adhere to. Even among convicted rapist and murderers in the prison system, child molesters and people who harm children are typically shunned and tend to be the victims of attack by the other prisoners. One thing that holds true, no matter what situation you find yourself in is that you don’t harm children.

Children to me represent everything that is pure; when I look at a child I am envious of their uncorrupted view of the world. Their optimism and innocence, to me, represent a hope that we as a people can change and evolve into something greater than what we are. So it should come as no surprise that when a person does something that may cause irreparable damage to a child, it gets under my skin to say the least.

Some of you may or may not have heard about these two young adults in Pataskala Ohio, but to sum it up for you; they forced a two year old toddler to get high by physically restraining her and holding a hash pipe full of marijuana to her mouth while video taping it for god only knows what reason… deplorable.

The irony in this is that they would have never gotten caught if were not for their own stupidity. I know that just doing those things constitutes a certain level of stupidity, but the level that they were able to achieve far surpasses the level that they were already comfortably living at. Rather than removing the tape from the camcorder and putting it someplace safe where it would never be discovered, at some point they decided to take the video camera to a pawn shop and sell it… with the tape still in it!

Needless to say, the pawn shop owner quickly notified authorities, and they were apprehended for “child endangerment” and “corrupting another with drugs”. I cannot for the life of me think of a punishment fitting for these two, but I’m sure the inmates at whatever correctional facility they end up in will make them regret their mistake on almost a daily basis. I can only hope that the guards are vindictive enough to place them in general population and not let them be kept in a protective unit. I have friends in the Ohio State Prison System, and I’m sure that they are positively frothing at the mouth to great these two and welcome them with dicks held hard.

So it is with great distain that I present you, Melvin Blevins and Unnamed 16 Year Old Female, with the “Crème de’ le’ Crap Award” from us here at The Restricted. You are truly deserving of this highly prestigious dishonor because only stupid people get children high and only the stupidest of them all will video tape it and forget to take the evidence out of the camera before they pawn it; you are both truly creamy pieces of shit.

**To claim your award: use your commissary money to buy a box of Shredded Mini-Wheats, eat them, wait roughly 24 hours, and you prize should arrive in toilet bowl near you as soon as your cell mate decides to stop pushing your shit in.

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I’d be chatting on the interweb;
maggots pray upon the living dead.
-Say Anything, Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too

My world revolves around my home. I work from home I play from home and I am entertained at home. My living room is a movie theater, my basement a sound stage, and my garage serves as a better wifi spot then most Starbucks. My girlfriend is even a budding internet model (admittedly not quite “the freak” as someone like say Gianna Michaels but certainly more aesthetically appealing in the traditional and non-porn sense of the word). I tend to rely on my laptop and the ever trusting firefox for most things in my daily living which has made me a very patient man. Let’s take a hypothetical situation merely as an example; I could easily cruise to my local super store and within 30 minutes be back home in my lounger enjoying 4 straight days of non threatening sci fi action with the first seasons of Stargate SG1 and Doctor Who. But why bother when I can simply, again just a hypothetical example here, download them with Azureus. Sure it takes a bit longer but I’ve got time “hell I got nothing but time, minutes, hours, days, years of it, Time stands still here, like a snake sunning itself.”

There are few occasions where even I find myself needing something here and now. This is where my relationship with the internet becomes a love hate ordeal. Just the other day I was updating my fathers’ old PC and he wanted a better graphics card. He didn’t need anything for gaming or production just better than what he currently had and well basically cheap. So the first thing we do is check my fav spots on the web for good computer deals, we price check with tiger-direct, but he wants it now. Ok no big deal all of the major “get everything here” stores has them online for 40 bucks lets roll. After 2 hours and 6 stores later I accept the fact that the internet has destroyed local shopping. On-line all of the major stores have fantastic deals, but locally they only carry the 3 most expensive models. Why the hell would they automatically assume that anyone making the effort to drive to the store would only want the top end model of whatever it is their selling? We as local consumers don’t even have the option of going bargain brand. This I have a very large problem with. If you can carry it online at least have the courtesy of offering a comparable product in the damn store.

Think about it; how many times have you needed something on the spot and was shut down at the store because of their dependency on internet stores? You walk into Lowe’s for a tool and it’s only available on line. You run to Best Buy because your kid just put the wii remote through your plasma screen and that great sale is only valid online. You pop into Walmart for that cheap video card and they only carry the three most expensive in the store. The internet is slowly making local shopping obsolete. Don’t get me wrong I will be stoked to only shop at home once they have invented the transportation printer for immediate delivery until then at least offer the same deals at the store.

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Editorial 4.15.08

Our time has come watch me set it off
It’s been a while but we back
So you can count it loss
We lie and wait don’t hesitate
When opportunity knocks
Break the locks and rush the gates
Seize the day we got moves to make
It’s got to be now
Cause we’re half past late
P.O.D., Set It Off

Fuck, shit, ass, bitch, cunt, whore! Ok I think I’ve adequately expressed my frustration and gotten it out of my system, so with that in mind it’s time for another editorial from me: Th0r4z1n3 the “Editor and Chief” (if you will) here at The Restricted.

Editor and Chief? WTF? That term couldn’t fit me less, if Clark Kent himself had to submit his stories to me. I never in my life would I have imagined myself in a position where that title could even remotely be appropriate. I jokingly use it as a nod to a conversation that I had with our newest writer, who coincidentally now solidifies my being able to use the term our/we rather than mine/me.

As you may have noticed there is a new face here at The Restricted, so I’d like to take the time to introduce you to Tony Glasses; a long time friend and original member of The Restricted (from its original incarnation as a hacker based pod cast). Over the past week or so I’ve been in almost constant contact with him as we discussed what our plans are for this little endeavor, started laying out a game plan, and giving a little forethought to the future. As always “Pod cast” is defiantly on both of our minds, but for now we are going to focus on content and as this thing grows, so shall we. We have however taken the steps, again in forethought, to start filming all of our meetings and discussions for future use… but I’m getting ahead of myself, right here-right now here’s what’s going on:

In an effort to not let this project spiral out of control (again) we’ve decided to lay down some ground rules and limit our topics of discussion to things that will fall under the categories:

  • Editorial: A place for me, or one of the other Editors to post information about what’s going on with The Restricted and keep people informed on up coming events.
  • How To: Simple “How To” guides that will cover everything from Linux, Windows, and Mac, along with tips for hacking everyday devises like your iPod, PSP, and anything else we can justify talking about. The only restriction we’ve put on this topic is that there has to be a legal reason for wanting to do it, some of the thing we cover may be used, or misused, for illegal activities, but if we cannot think of a legal reason to discuss it we will not cover it… for now.
  • Music: A place for us to discuss music in general (artists, albums, and songs) and pass our recommendations and thoughts on all music both new and old.
  • Movies: Pretty much the same thing as the Music category but for film
  • Social Commentary: The area in which we both seem to excel, a place to give our take on current events and society in general.
  • Crème de’ le’ Crap: Well I’m sure most of you have stumbled upon our first candidate for the “Crème de’ le’ Crap” award, Ms. Cristina Garcia, and with its success we’ve decided to keep it around on a monthly, weekly, whatever basis. Pretty much an “Ass Hole of the Month” column where we can highlight the worst of the worst people to come to our attention.

As our reader base grows and we add more contributors we defiantly have plans to expand our topics and other content, so if you’d like to bring something to our attention feel free contact us via email or give me a shout on Twitter. My contact information is in the sidebar and Tony should have his up very soon (if he hasn’t done it already).

In closing I’d like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read The Restricted, and give a very special thanks to those of you who have taken the extra step to subscribe to us either through RSS or Email: “Thank you all for a great first week!”


I’ve also taken the liberty to attach some video footage from our original project for those of you who are curious…

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Building The Hype: Canzo Empyrean

Journey with me
Into the mind of a maniac
Doomed to be a killer
Since I came out the nutsack
I’m in a murderous mindstate
With a heart full of terror
I see the devil in the mirror

Dr. Dre & Ice Cube, Natural Born Killaz

Breaking News

OK now that I’ve got your attention, let me just say that this is probably the single most disturbing piece of video that I’ve ever watched in my life… and if the move’s only half as good at the trailer, then it is destine to become an instant cult classic.

Produced by Justin Fornal (Fornal Films LLC) under the alias of “The Chancellor” this looks to be one of the most intriguing independent films ever. Pitting the 80’s cartoon villains Destro and Zartan against each other in an apparent struggle over what I can only speculate to call; “Philosophy of the Hot Tub” vs. “The Specter’s Citrus Blue”. I can only guess as to where the “AIDS cure” comes into play, but I’m under the impression that one of the side effects to Citrus Blue is that it makes the body uninhabitable to the AIDS virus and somehow causes the break down of society, leaving the President no other choice than to suspend the Federal Government’s responsibility for the safety of it’s citizens…

I’ll be interested in seeing exactly how all of this comes to play out, but for now I’ll just have to be content to watch the movie trailer (over and over again) until such time as I am able to report anything about the release and distribution of this movie.

Canzo Empyrean Extended Trailer

Q: So they say you’re the greatest killer of all time?

A: Well…

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Put YouTube Videos On Your iPod/PSP/Zune

We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot.
Drink up me ‘earties, Yo Ho!
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate’s life for me.

Unknown, A Pirate’s Life For Me

So you want to take all of those videos that you’ve been watching repeatedly on You Tube (or any other site that hosts embedded video) and put them on your iPod so that you take them with you wherever you go? Hmmm… well I just might be able to help you out with that.

Now let me warn you ahead of time that this could be used in an illegal manner which could ultimately result in in piracy. We here at The Restricted in no way advocate any illegal activity and do not endorse piracy in any way shape or form. There are however legitimate reasons for wanting to do this. So if you want to take those family videos that you sister in Arizona uploaded to You Tube and share them with your grandmother who lives down the street from you in downtown Afgan-er-fuck-eragua; this would be perfect for you!

First off you’re going to need a few things (all readily available for free on the internet):

  1. Firefox internet browser
  2. The Video DownloadHelper extension for Firefox
  3. 3GP Video Converter

The first thing you’re going to need to do,(if you haven’t already) is download Mozillia’s Firefox internet browser and install it. Once you’ve done that you’ll need to add on the DownloadHelper extension, either by clicking the link provided or by going into the tools tab, clicking extensions, hitting the “Get More Extensions” button, and searching for it on the Firefox site.

At this point you’re going to need to close Firefox and open it back up again so that the DownloadHelper extension will load.

After you’ve done all that use Firefox to visit the page that has the video you want, click tools, hover your pointer over DownloadHelper, and if there are any videos on that page to download they will show up in the submenu. Simply click on the file you want and Firefox will save it your hard drive. It’s important to note that the file will be saved as an FLV file, this is pretty much useless to most people because you can’t even double click on it and play it at this point. (Take note of where DownloadHelper is saving your file to, the default is: C:\Documents and Settings\USER NAME\dwhelper.)

The next thing you need to do is download and install the 3GP Video Converter. This is going to be the hardest part of the whole process (and it’s not even that complicated), but the good news is that you only have to do it once.

1. Open 3GP for the first time
2. From the drop down menu select a language (English).

3. From the codexes in the top window select the one you want to use. I prefer Model: MP4, for PSP even if I am putting them on my iPod because it just simply offers more options when it comes to choosing your settings.

4. Click Apply
5. Next you need to select the quality of compression for both the video and audio. I find that QVGA/15fps/512kbps Stereo/96 kbps is more than adequate for me. Again, that’s just a personal preference, but keep in mind that flash video already runs at a rate of 15fps so going higher on the frame rate is kind of pointless).

6. Pick a destination folder for the finished product by clicking the Browse button and choosing a folder (the default is to place it on your desktop).

7. Open up Windows Explorer, drag and drop the FLV file into the “Drag&Drop file here” window on 3GP and wait for the finished product. This shouldn’t take too long because there‘s really not a whole lot of conversion going on; it only took about 20 seconds for me to do a 7 minute video

All that’s left at this point is to load the video onto your iPod, PSP, Zune, or other portable video device, run down to Grandma’s house, and show her that cute video of little Tiffany blasting Uncle Mike in the ol’ nut hammock with a baseball bat while she was trying to bust the piñata at her birthday party last week. Careful not to give Granny a heart attack!

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Good Bye Good Find

There ain’t no other way
Because this is the price
It’s the price
Always the price I pay
I got to thrust it out!
The price that I pay
I got to get it out!
Always the price that I pay
Jane’s Addiction, The Price I Pay

A few friends were sitting on the floor going through our vinyl collections trying to find some decent trades. As I turned the soundtrack to the 1988 hit film Colors over I realized none of us has picked anything good up in the last several years. Ten years ago you could hit up the local thrift stores or stop at a few garage sales and always find yourself coming home with a truly good buy and the warm feeling of accomplishment. Rather it is that classic Misfits album that has eluded your collection for years; or just a fantastic deal on a Sun Records Johnny Cash original because the guy didn’t know what he had. You cant get that lucky anymore. Ebay has killed the good find.

With the birth of Ebay every pack rat across the Midwest dug out old boxes from the basement and barn attics, grabbed the digital camera their son-in-law got them for Christmas two years ago, and started posting their goodies making sure to set the reserve to “a fair price”. And if nothing else they can check Ebay for the going price of that long since forgotten item that almost got trashed years earlier before they pass on the garage sale for the well organized neighborhood yard sale that has the distinct feel of an overpriced flea market.

No the days of the great find are gone. Now, when you want that nostalgic album, you hope you can find a good buy it now price so you don’t get outbid at the last second by a junk dealer in Jersey. And believe me I will be organizing a huge anti-Ebay movement as soon as I make some dough on a few of these old transformers in my Ebay store.

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Crème de’ le’ Crap: Cristina Garcia

You’re sick of feeling numb
You’re not the only one
I’ll take you by the hand
And I’ll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn’t work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Three Days Grace, Pain

The heights to which people can sink will never cease to amaze me. In this day and age of technology, and humanitarianism; whenever I think that we as a people have finally evolved to a point that we can be proud of ourselves, something comes along to remind exactly how delightfully deplorable we are.

We are at a time in history where we literally have the world at our fingertips, with the advent of the web and with The Grid looking to grow to 200,000 servers within the next two years; we have the ability to share our collective wealth of knowledge in a way that our ancestors could never have dreamed of, but instead of using this semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic power for the betterment of ourselves and mankind, we blindly wade through this sea of knowledge doing the most ignorant things we can think of in the search of a little bit of internet fame. This most recent incident in Florida involving those six girls who video taped the ½ hour beating of their ex-friend to post on You Tube, just serves as yet another example of of what we will do in the quest for our “15 minutes”. That’s right I said “another example”, or did we all forget about Anthony Anderson: the ex-soldier who when he found a crippled old lady collapsed in the street, decided that it would be a good idea to video tape himself urinating on her and screaming that “This is You Tube material right here”, rather than call for help… she died on the side of the road that day. This poor crippled little old lady who spent everyday of her life being ridiculed and struggling to get by, spent the last few seconds of her life guzzling some strange limey’s piss so that he could have a top viewed video on the interwebs.

I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that during his three year sentence (which by no means do I feel was enough) he is gang-raped by the most well endowed, elephant dicked, nymphomaniac, Mandingo Warriors in the UK prison system on a nearly hourly basis. As for these teens in Florida… Bull-Dykes for all of them, hoards of bull-dykes with hands so big that it’s like grabbing a bunch of bananas when you shake them.

I know that may sound harsh to some of you, but get over it people; they’re just words! That’s right, they are just words on the internet and that’s what these teens failed to understand. What’s even more disturbing about this is that one of the parents, Ms. Cristina Garcia, tried to justify her daughters actions by saying (about the victim in reference to the apparent trash talking on My Space) “I don’t see why she would do that if she didn’t have the nerve to back up what she was saying.”

In this situation she’s the one who truly deserves the hoards of big fingered dykes with an anal fetish, just for being a full grown adult and failing to comprehend that what it all boiled down to were just words on the internet. If I were to brutally assault everybody who ever offended me on the World Wide Web, I’d have to quite my job just to be able to dedicate a fraction of the time needed to pull a Tonya Harding and have them all “knee capped” and put out of commission.

And that is why I name you Ms. Cristina Garcia this months Crème de’ le’ Crap, or Cream of the Crap for you intellectually challenged people. Sure what Mr. Anderson did was morally reprehensible, but at least he was made to take responsibility for his actions, you however are letting your child take the fall for your ignorance and that is just enough to make me feel that you are deserving of this very prestigious award.

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